Chaos ensues

Rows of houses, all bearing down on me
I can feel their blue hands touching me
All these things into position
All these things we'll one day swallow whole
And fade out again and fade out

This machine will, will not communicate
These thoughts and the strain I am under
Be a world child, form a circle
Before we all go under
And fade out again and fade out again

Cracked eggs, dead birds
Scream as they fight for life
I can feel death, can see its beady eyes
All these things into position
All these things we'll one day swallow whole
And fade out again and fade out again

Immerse your soul in love
Immerse your soul in love




I'm at the run away and hide, stay home and hide, just get away point. I don't know why I get this overwhelming sense of foreboding or some sort of soul-crushing weirdness that makes me want to avoid people at all costs. Yet not avoid them. How weird.

I can't stay here. I can't. Yet I have a few good friends still left here. Yet, I have a house here and gotta figure that out. Yet, someone with potential is contacting me via internet and now text message, and I am ready to jump into meeting them but absolutely fucking frightened it will be the same usual outcome. Yep, we could be friends. Probably not dateable to them. Which is FINE I am quite used to not being datable, apparently I never HAVE been datable, people just put up with me out of some misguided sense of loyalty.

I think way too much.

I also get worried that if I can't be datable can't I just get some decent sex out of it all?

I don't know what to think of that. For now, occasionally, that need is sometimes met. But met with the guilt of knowing that even though that person is forthcoming in their complete lack of having a relationship with anyone, there's a moon eyed girl nearby that wants him to change his mind and come her way. Jesus.

Maybe I should just write vague sentences. That makes for good songs. Look at the example above in Radiohead lyrics. :)

Also in random note, I want to learn to play the accordion and put weird videos of covers of all my favorite songs on there done in accordion. Why? I don't know. I probably never will. But some part of me still wants to learn that damn instrument.

I have one, I better go get it from my house.

I need to go play video games and immerse myself in an unrealistic world while dealing with the text messages that are inevitably there from someone who would really like to meet me.

*sigh*

I will give it a go. Really. For real.

Movin' on

There are plenty of people I will miss around this area. Plenty. But the time has come to move on. Too much bullshit, too much drama, too much gossip. If I can't even defend myself against it, and my friends want to say that defending myself makes me "sound guilty" then there is really no reason to be here anymore. All misunderstandings have been sorted out with the people who matter. As for anyone else, I'm not making an effort anymore. I'll find out who my real friends are.