Do boys have soft hearts?

So I am sitting here wondering... it seems as if you are female, decisions regarding what is best for you, your significant other, your family regarding people outside your immediate circle is easy. If friends bring drama, eliminate them. If extended family causes stress and discord, shut them out. How many of my female friends have stopped talking to or shut out problematic relatives or friends? Sometimes for years? It seems so simple to a female. Especially in the case of other females bringing stress and drama.

Once again I find myself in a relationship with difficult relatives. I feel sorry for my boyfriend in the fact that this baggage is baggage he didn't ask for. But like many boyfriends before, I feel myself telling him the same things I've told others. "Tell her what you want" "Don't let her railroad you like that" "your relationship is dysfunctional/damaged/toxic." I'm a broken record.

The strong women in my inner circle eliminate drama caused by families, even sometimes their own mothers. Men seem powerless to do this. They have some sort of guilt string mommy can pluck, and then they forget what the hell they were mad about and go to feeling like a bad person. Or maybe it's just the ones I date.

So mine is stuck in between his crazy sister starting ridiculous drama, his opiate addict mother who just rambles and speaks and doesn't listen until he is screaming obscenities at her, and me, who is trying to get these people the fuck out of my life. I realize that when you take a person, you take the whole picture. But my GOD, he's sick of his family, I told him I am not going to perpetuate their shit and I am done with them completely, and they just don't quit.

I don't know what else to do in the case of his sister. She started a bunch of drama over the fact that I complained about the ongoing problem of her mother bringing over unwanted groceries. The mother is on government assistance and complains if the food is wasted, but won't stop bringing it because she somehow feels better about herself. She comes over and judges how things look when I've been sick for a week and the man is in charge of housecleaning. (#1 she thinks its my duty, #2 housecleaning is a team effort here. If I cook he does the dishes. We try to work together.) So he had been tired, taking care of me, and not doing the housework to standards she likes. She also came in and bitched at him while I was sleeping in bed with him. Since then she isn't allowed in the house unsupervised, even if she is dropping off stuff from his old house that got missed in the move.

As far as his sister, I put her on a restricted list, finally blocked her, and reported her to facebook. She is STILL using that as some sort of leverage towards my bf. I don't know what planet she lives on, but her rude comments on a status about my cousins death being discovered via facebook and all the drama on facebook was the end for me. I honestly didn't think anyone would be that inappropriate until Aaron Tronnes turned my cousin's murder into his own personal joke.

Now, obviously my bf's sister wasn't the only person causing drama on there, and thus, I left facebook. I couldn't handle the news feed telling me stupid shit I didn't want to read, coupled with people battling back and forth. I didn't want to put the work in to weed out friends. And when someone I thought was a halfway decent guy did something that so horrified and offended me I decided I didn't want any of these people in my life. My real friends, I have their phone numbers. I have their email addresses. I can send them a text, write a letter, make a phone call. I don't need facebook to keep up with all these people in my periphery. I also don't need his hideous troll of an ex calling about their daughter on the phone and commenting how amusing his sister's drama is. I should mention, his sister is insane enough to think that she and his ex are buddies, because they should be friends because they both hate my guts, forgetting entirely that if she cared about her brother, she could potentially fuck up any custody hearings.

Then she wasn't satisfied with talking shit, creating drama on facebook, she started showing up at the door with stuff from the house, trying to push her way in, and getting yelled at to leave. My bf ended up telling her she isn't welcome in his home or his life. So while some friend is having a baby (who's stepdad is OUR LANDLORD), she is bitching about me, and making up some shit about me, then telling the landlord we aren't happy with our place and a bunch of shit is wrong, then blowing up his phone about how I lied to the landlord and all this other crap.

HOLY FUCK BITCH. GET A FUCKING LIFE.

What she is referring to is a checklist of things that were wrong with the apartment. We moved in early and agreed to clean it ourselves. His mother had called the landlord (family friend unfortunately) bitching about it and saying we were withholding our rent. So we end up getting these crazy calls from him. I like our apartment. It may be old and weird but that's what I like about it. I don't want to have to move or terminate our lease early because his family is nuts and can't be trusted. So YET AGAIN he has to call the landlord and say "No really, I mean it, DO NOT LISTEN TO A WORD THEY SAY, THEY ARE CRAZY."

Funny thing is, they hated his ex's guts, and she hated his mom for being intrusive, now they are all buddies? And why? Because my boyfriends aunt has a bad heart and numerous surgeries, and my boyfriend didn't ask about her, when no one told him she was hospitalized again. But his ex did. The same person they called a selfish lying whore. But now she's ok in their book.

My bf spends half his week arguing with a mean ex who won't allow her daughter 50/50 time with him against his wishes and his daughters wishes, telling his mother over and over again to stop bringing groceries that end up not being something we need but something we have too much of, dealing with his crazy sister stirring up shit and dealing with me telling him I can't handle it anymore.

So far his sister is cut out of his life and he warned his mother he will shut her out again.

But then he says "when I had to go to councelling with her, she was so sad and depressed because I cut her out of my life when my daughter was born, and she sat and cried about it for a long time." So he doesn't want to shut her out again.

My answer? History repeats itself, she is never going to change if she hasn't in all this time.

I only hope things keep progressing towards making them stop the craziness, or making them stay the hell away from us.

This also perpetuates our wishes to move away. We are bonded here because of his daughter, but sometimes you have to do what is best for your sanity. She is welcome in our home anytime no matter where we are and no matter when. Same goes for if we move somewhere else.

If I were a religious person, I'd pray they go the fuck away. And that we could move peacefully and not start world war 3.

A small town is a vast hell.