I think I've seen everything...

"Hi there! I'm smiling like I'm getting my senior picture taken while wearing this getup!" At least he's happy and confident in who he is... I mean, just look at that SMILE!

I got a message from someone on OKC... I told him about the cross dresser who wanted me to verbally berate him while he went downtown... he told me about the wheelchair hottie who had such specific taste, he feared that she'd never get what she wants. But, if she did, he'd gladly shake her hand.

Now before you say "what the hell" or think that there is any judgement against the girl in the wheelchair, there isn't. The first sentence of her profile explained that she was born premature and that she uses a wheelchair, getting that out of the way. Pretty much saying if you don't like it, don't read further. He told me her profile was quite funny, she had a great sense of humor. She's bisexual.

Here comes the odd part.

As we've mentioned before, children. So this girl is not looking for men. Its flattering but no. He keeps reading anyways, she's got an engaging profile and a quick wit.

She's specifically hoping to meet a pregnant woman.

So let's get this straight:

A bisexual girl who uses a wheelchair to get around, wants a pregnant lesbian.

I can't believe she's that specific in her desires. But you know what? Good for her. She's putting out there exactly what she wants. She's not settling.

the internet's corners always find ways to entertain me at any hour.

I find that some dating profiles are so specific it boggles the mind.

Which says to me, I can be as specific as I want.

I should write down "If you're not afraid to do something that any sane person would call stupid, make videos pretending to be spies, get hurt in the name of entertainment or live a life hovering somewhere short of Hunter S. Thompson's life... then message me. If you want to make small talk with me by telling me to smile or asking if I'm bored at the bar... you should definitely not."

I'm not against men who are older than me. To the contrary. But this new influx of older men, who look more fatherly... men who look older than my own damn dad. making inane small talk. "You look bored." WOW. Or "Do you hate men or people in general?" either they're smiling and rambling on about something boring, thinking they're in like flynn, or they're getting insulting because I have tired of playing nice, and the sarcasm comes out. There's young ones too. It's like, I can tell in 4 words we have nothing in common. They still try to work it though.

I know that small talk is a skill. And honestly, if you don't look like you were born in the 40s, have something in common with me, however little, and want to talk about something even MINUTELY interesting, I will give you a bit of my attention. If you are incessantly tapping my shoulder, then asking if i wanna hear a "ballin' jam" or saying "you're nicer than your friend, she's a bitch" because I haven't lost my temper and screamed at you yet... yeah fuck you. I got a guy kicked out of a bar because he touched my cousins back, gave her the icks, started doing the tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-TAP on my shoulder while I ignored him, shushed him when he interrupted conversation, and finally just said "WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP YOU ARE BEING SUPER RUDE INTERRUPTING EVERYONE ELSE WHO'S TALKING!!!"

Maybe that douchebag was right, maybe I hate people in general, because I get equally annoyed by rude people of either gender.

Today I waited on a table of 5 adults. They spent 50 dollars in food. I brought their food out, bussed the table when they left... They didn't leave a God Damn dime.

Really? Because I was very pleasant to them, and I made sure they had everything they needed, offered dessert, what have you.

People just irritate the living fuck out of me.

Two guys who came in and drank a few beers made up for it. Far as I could tell at least one was a firefighter. The other one, he made a few jokes about being drunk after 2 beers and made lots of eye contact. WHY THE HELL did I have to be wearing a hoodie and a baseball hat?!

They tipped quite well.