So the subject of children keeps coming up...

You can tell when something is the right idea, maybe not immediately, but someday. Even if it feels like it kills you at the time.

My ex and I (the one I lived with in his house, who constantly stated such, to remind me that we weren't really in this together) had a discussion around age 25 for me, 27 for him. I was told he was never having children. MAYBE he'd reconsider, but in almost all cases, no. NO KIDS. I was sad about this... we'd been together for years. I didn't need marriage or the promise of financial support, I just wanted to know if it was even a possibility. Our upbringings shape us as people, so he had the constant thought process that someone was just going to screw him in the end no matter if he loved them or not, and I had the thought that couples should trust each other and work towards marriage, believe in each other and support each other no matter what. One of us is from divorced parents, one married parents. We also had different thoughts on what's good for the individual vs what's good for everything. But of course, that's all in the past.

People always get the wrong impression from him. I'm not saying he's right in all his beliefs, trust me it was the cause of fights. But he is not a bad person. He just wasn't meant to be with me. When we first met back in school he thought I was outrageous, but kinda nifty. He chided my current boyfriend at the time for saying I was embarrassing. He told me I was unlike anyone he ever knew. I know he fell in love with independent me, and I loved responsible him. We had a lot of wonderful times together, and I still have yet to meet someone who understands truly STUPID humor. We used to laugh about everything. Its still there because a couple of times, I talked to him and something ridiculous happened, and I noticed both of us snicker and cover our mouths... something I started doing when I realized NO ONE ELSE gets why its funny. Then we looked at each other and laughed really hard. I could tell he'd still been laughing... like me... without someone to share it with. I'm not in love with him, I still like him as a friend. But everything we were was dictated by him and I feel we're better apart. I also think he probably learned some life lessons and had experiences, maybe grew up more after we parted. I certainly did, I brought myself back from the dead and found my old self after our breakup.

He didn't want kids. He didn't want marriage. He wanted everything he worked for in his name. We got in a fight because I wanted him to leave a will leaving his house to his sister and father. I had nightmares about this stuff. His mom and I were on the not-speaking terms by the time the relationship ended. I know a lot had to do with me looking out for him. I think his mother took it the wrong way. I didn't WANT anything of his... I just wanted to make sure that in the event that he died, the most empathetic people to my situation would be in control of his property. So I could have time to grieve, to find a new place to live... etc. (Yes, I actually thought that even though I had helped on this house and so had my father, that I'd be kicked out in the event of my ex's death. Like, the next day, due to the fact that he didn't really own his house, in legal sense).

I hoped for the best, got the worst, the relationship ended, I felt disemboweled. But with the death of that relationship I felt was the death of my ability to have children. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it hasn't proven otherwise. We'll call him #2 to clarify... seeing as how this is the internet, I ain't using names. And in this reference #2 will make sense.

So upon getting the news that he's having a baby with the new girlfriend, a friend was concerned of how I would take this news. She was considerate in that. She was worried it would bug me. Yes, I was with him for 8 of my child-bearing years. But, I had already adjusted to how things are going to be from this point forward.

I took it well considering that I had heard she was on his case about having kids before she got too old, that she wanted to get married, etc. etc. (all normal things to most of the population). I figured that's what was going to happen.

Also, one of my exes (we'll call him #1) had already gotten married, and had a baby. That was my first dealing with the "it could have been me" thoughts and all that weird crap that goes through a woman's head. Maybe some sort of crazy biological thing.

Now I'm pretty sure I'll never have kids. I know women can have them all the way up to 40. But I just don't think that's in the cards for me. I also explained this in depth to my grandma tonight... she was on that "get married have kids" kick she gets on. I was like "Oh no, Erik (my cousin) is taking that bullet for me!" He married his high school sweetheart and they're expecting their first baby now. She had also tried to explain it as being the end of my family line, for my mother and father... they only had one child, i have none. Grandma, that isn't really an argument.

#1's baby made me think, because we talked about what a kid would look like. #2 isn't so bad, although I had once talked to him when he was kinda drunk and he was saying our kids would be cute brunettes with green eyes. and I had picked out a name for a boy or girl. I got to this thought process of "I'm never having kids" and people I've had fleeting quasi-relationships with since the end of #2 have said things like this to me:
"Unless you've accidentally got (name withheld) junior growing in your belly right now."
"We would have the freckliest babies ever"
"Man you're strong. But I'm stronger. Our kids would be brutes."
"You'd be a great mom, you don't need some nitwit like me to tell you that. Wait, maybe you will be."
"Do you ever think being with me is going to hurt your chances of being a mom someday?"

Really. This baffles me.

maybe men have some weird thing in their heads that makes them get a biological clock of sorts.

There have been those that say nothing about it. But oddly there are enough of them who actually are mentioning it, that it seems weird to me.

I wonder if I can get my tubes tied... Cause do I ever really need kids?

Strange...